Yes, I am actually alive. And so are my balls.


It’s been a busy few…. months. Not only has work been nuts, but I’ve also received life-changing news in recent times – I’m moving to Texas! I promise I won’t change the name of this blog to She Moved to Texas Also.  Swearsies. I am actually originally from Houston, and have some family in the Dallas area where I’ll be, so I’m sort of going “home.” The move came about from a fabulous job opportunity for my husband, so now I’m going to slowly get my shit together  get the house stuff taken care of here and then move in August. Ollie says that he is ELATED that he will be moving to the Land of the Flat. Hills are hard, yo.

Because of everything going on lately, I haven’t been riding as much as usual – and really haven’t had time for blogging either. BUT. I do have some ball growth to document. Last weekend, I was jumping with my favorite person Sarah (WHO I WILL OH MY GOD MISS), and she told me to jump the Swedish oxer. In true Wendy style, I said OH MY GOD NO.
“How about I go jump that vertical over there instead?”

So I did, and I was pleased that it was bigger than the other jumps I had done.

“Wendy, jump the oxer!”
“NO.”
“JUMP IT.”
“NO.”
“YOU ARE MOVING SOON AND YOU DON’T HAVE MANY RIDES LEFT WITH ME. DO WHAT I SAY.”

“JESUS, FINE. But just take it down a couple holes. it looks huge.”

And our friend Kelly went over to adjust it. But while my head was turned, she sneakily put it back up a hole. I hate all of you, and I will kill you soon.

But I got Ollie to a great spot, and he rounded himself so much and apparently had his nose between his knees. What a good boy! I ended my ride being pleased as heck with myself.

But then I got curious. Exactly how large were my balls that day? I had to know. I went back out into the ring and put a stick on that Swedish oxer: about 2’8″. OK, so not as big as I’d thought…. I then went and measured the vertical. Yeah, IT WAS THREE FEET.  Either my eyes are failing me in judgment, or my balls are going to need a hammock soon. Maybe both. Better get an eye appointment just in case.