Rolex Part Two – Shopping Edition

OK, so we all know Rolex can have some great deals. And even if you don’t find the great deals, there’s tons of crap in one place. Enough for you to symbolically blow your load from all the excitement. Or, actually physically blow your load. I’m not gonna judge. I mean, it’s kind of weird, but I won’t judge.

Anyway, so we found some great stuff at Rolex. First, the free shiz I picked up.

The Purina drawstring bag. Which I had Kyle Carter sign. You know, the one who leaned away from me in our photo because he could smell the crazy all over me? Yeah, that one.

Then, to get these lovely Horze socks, I just had to sign up for their email list. Which I was already subscribed to. SUCKERS,YOU LOSE. BWAHAHAHAHA.

They are surprisingly soft for free socks. I am super happy to have not paid for them. 10/10 would take for free again. If you want to buy them, they are these ones. With a retail value of $7.95, Horze essentially bought me a Man ‘o’ War, contributing to my shenanigans. Thank you for your service.

Next up, shiz I bought. First purchase of the trip was Rolex apparel. I got a Tshirt for the year (not pictured), but also got a logo technical polo (apparently, it’s a Nike Golf Dri-Fit). For the price of $50, I expected it to not fit like a demon trying to suck the life out of me via my boobs and well, everything. Goddamn you Rolex for selecting the anti-vanity sizing. I’m usually a solid medium in shirts, and sometimes will get a large if I just want it to fit looser. But this? Imma have to lose some weight.

WENDY NOT HAPPY. Wendy have tiny head on giant shoulders. Wendy stuffed like sausage.
Here, have a close-up of my bra line and boobage.

But what made me happy? Replenishing my conditioner supply from Higher Standards. Libby makes a great product, yo. If you haven’t tried it before, you totally should. It not only works great, but it smells like you’re baking cookies so you’ll drool on your leather, adding a little extra moisture. The soap is also wonderful and has yummy-smelling flavors.

And I saw this beautiful jacket from Annie’s Equestrienne Apparel that I did not buy and immediately regretted it. More on that later in another post.


And then we get to the most crowded and largest booth at Rolex. Horseloverz. The sheer amount of stuff they had was mind-boggling. There was a lot of sifting through crap to get to the cute stuff and the bargains, but we totally found ’em.

First, these pajama pants. They are super cute and were I believe $15 off the normal price of $23.99. Although, they took the opposite tack of Rolex and apparently sized for vanity. Bless you, but my legs aren’t that wide. I have chicken calves. But, being jammies, it don’t matta.

As a bonus, I put my foot in for scale and made a claw with it. Seriously, this is why people call my foot “the claw.” I have the weirdest feet ever. SHOCKING.

And then, this Noble Outfitters shirt, which fit so much freaking better than the Rolex shirt and was also a medium. I felt not fat in this, which is always a plus. Looking around, it was originally $35-$45 in most places, but they had a ton of these in bins for about $7. Score. They still have some online.

It’s super thin and soft and tagless at the top for people like me who get enraged at neck tags. It’s the perfect weight for a cool spring day, or for the summertime for you weirdos who could be cold when it’s 80 degrees outside, because you’re some sort of mutant.

It helps to remember to unzip it first.
Wendy happy. Wendy not feel so sausagey.

And then we get to my last purchase, a new schooling bridle. First, I looked in every single freaking store trying to find pretty things for Ollie’s head. Do you know who hates to stock pretty things for giant heads? EVERYONE. I drooled over so many bridles and good deals that would never fit Ollie’s head. What’s with the discrimination, yo? Shouldn’t y’all have closeouts or something for the giant noggins?

Anyway, so Horseloverz had an entire Wall ‘o’ Leather that was 40% off. After sorting through everything, I came across this Gatsby bridle and immediately picked it up, squeezed it and called it George. It even came with leather reins, which I took off for the photos. For only $35!


For scale. An oversize bridle on a child-size head. Do we think it fits? I think I need a wider noseband to complement my shoulders.

So for $35, yes please. Especially because it actually has pretty soft leather, all things considered. I would have preferred a wider noseband for Ollie, but I couldn’t really beat the price.

That’s it for my Rolex goodies. I’m going to have more reviews soon, though, because I just ordered like a million things and want to share them with the world once they arrive.

And feel free to discuss The Claw. I know it’s troubling, but I am not liable for your needed therapy.