Today, we salute you, Incorrigible Draft Horse.
You look at your heft and don’t see a developing metabolic syndrome problem; you see an advantage.
Here’s to you and your view of stall guards as mere suggestions. When you’re as big as you, you can do anything you want. And you know it.
Here’s to you and your view of feeding time as a race. With your strength and nobility, you can surely push around your handlers to get there faster – and eat in record time (ooooh, fast is a relevant term!)
With your giant feet, you don’t waste any time with those size threes – size five all the way, man. But you might waste some of your mom’s money.
Here’s to you and your pushiness both under saddle and on the ground. You are large and in charge.
Water and feed buckets? Clearly, they are disposable, not reusable. Recycling is for pansies.
Here’s to you and your legendary lack of work ethic. No task is too small to ignore.
With your giant head and shoulders, anything is possible. If that fence gets in your way of whatever the hell it is you’re after, real or imaginary, you show them what’s what.
So crack open that Bud Light and take a long, hard gulp, and then fling the can at your mama’s head for funsies. It’s OK. You make her butt look smaller.
Here’s to you, you giant, lovable asshole.