A Helmet Breakup


Dear Charles Owen JR8,

You’ve served me well for a few years. Loyally. You’ve taken my abuse and somehow managed to survive. But, we have to break up. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.

JUST KIDDING, IT’S TOTALLY YOU. YOU MAKE MY HEAD SWELTER IN A POOL OF FIERY DEATH FOR EVERY RIDE, AND I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

Seriously, y’all. Texas summers are no joke. It’s a freaking inferno here. If you are wearing a helmet with no ventilation, people tend to put you on a suicide watch list because you are inflicting self harm. It ain’t right, yo.

I have a tiny head, and I thought the JR8 fit me pretty well. But then.

Then I decided to try on a One K Defender while I was at Dover just buying, like, freaking treats and fly spray. And then I had to convince my husband that my old helmet was cracking or about to expire or something. Or whatever. Anyhoo, I came home with a new helmet.

MY PRECIOUS.

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And y’all. This helmet is like magic. I was skeptical that a size small – letter sizes, not numbers – would fit me and my tiny 6 3/4 head well. But it did. And I didn’t want to take it off. I had it on my head for literally ten seconds before I said, “Yep, this one. I get this one now. Wendy buy helmet. New helmet good.”

The harness on it actually sits in the right spot on me – something that I find difficult to achieve with my child-like head proportions. The liner is nice and removable, which helps with my sweatiness that is reminiscent of Niagara Falls. Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

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The harness also adjusted nicely and didn’t have remnants hanging down all over the place like a beacon of awkward. I do just fine on my own with that, thank you very much. I also do not look like a complete mushroom head in this, which is difficult to do when you have a weird tiny head like me. Score.

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And the best part is OMG THE VENTILATION. MY HEAD IS ALIVE AND BREATHING. HEAD NOT DEAD. YAY. In my old CO JR8, My head would look like a family of drowned rats upon helmet removal after a ride. With this one, while sweaty, I wasn’t at atomic levels of revolting. I call that a win.

Why do I have a weird bald spot? Am I balding? Is my head just weird? Why are we talking about this?
Why do I have a weird bald spot? Am I balding? Is my head just weird? Why are we talking about this?

As a bonus, the ventilation doesn’t make you look like an evil fly high on plutonium, like some brands do.

Anyway, it suffices to say that I love it. I only wish that I had the spare change for the pretty navy one with the bling. One day, my precious. One day.