Get the Spring Equestrian Look for Less


So, as you’ve likely noticed, the equestrian look is everywhere in recent years. The boots. The random bits used as buckles and belts and on purses. Tory Burch even made a “convertible boot” that looked eerily like paddock boots and half chaps, without the rugged utilitarianism.

But, you know, most of these equestrian-inspired fashion items have one thing in common: a big price tag. And if you’re going for the authentic equestrian look, the standout quality of most equestrians is that they are poor as shit. So, for the do-it-yourselfers, I wanted to give you a tutorial you can share with your non-horsey friends on getting the equestrian look for less. The good news is, they only need a few simple items to achieve it. Let’s get started.

Start by picking good-quality jacket with the most static possible. Fleece is a good choice. This will be the item we are going to embellish.

Next, locate a horse to borrow. Any horse will do, and probably the less fancy, the better. Try one like this 2003 model Percheron/Yak/Wookie/Mammoth cross.

Next, assess the quality of raw materials. This is a good pile.

Take your friend’s favorite de-shedding tool (even your dog’s Furminator works in a pinch) and then let the horse test its quality before use. This one is approved. We like the SleekEZ.

Rake the tool over the horse repeatedly.

Keep going.

Seriously, you’re not done yet. Now use a second tool to harvest your next layer of materials. Our other favorite is the StripHair.

When you reach this point, you have a good base of embellishment, but you haven’t quite reached maximum capacity.

You’ve likely lost some materials to the ground during the harvesting process. Go ahead and sweep and collect those materials.

Then throw them in the air above you to simulate a few more weeks’ worth of accumulation. It’s usually a longer process, but we’re on a short fashion cycle here, guys. Time is money. Or something.

And now your authentic spring equestrian-inspired look is complete! *

*Results may vary. Spousal approval not guaranteed. Some restrictions to your social life apply.