So, I’m gonna keep this short, because my emotions are making it necessary. Ollie will soon be for sale.
I’m not sure if that will be shocking or not. Shocking perhaps because everyone knows I love him so much, or not shocking because my struggles have been apparent.
Everyone knows I’m a nervous rider. I don’t hide it, I own it. And if I’m honest with myself, I’m always going to be nervous, even if I’m on the most saintly horse of all time. It’s just who I am, yo. After we got Ollie in line and on board with the program, he was super good for me while the jumps were smaller, and my nerves were smaller too. And he really is tolerant of so much in so many ways. But as the jumps have gone up, I’m of course more nervous – and Ollie isn’t as apt to take care of me when he knows I’m not 100% on board. And funny enough, he’s not like that with others with more cajones. He’s a bit different.
So Angela has had be riding one of her school horses, Cabot, in jumping lessons for me to get some confidence. And it’s occurred to me how much mental riding baggage I’ve amassed, and how different it is to ride a horse who I know is going to tolerate my nerves. To not make me work so hard to do things right when I’m sucking back and chickening out. I need a horse to be my surrogate bravery sometimes.
Ollie’s a good egg underneath it all, but it’s become apparent that it’s not good for my nerves or my progress to keep him as my eventing partner. It breaks my heart to no end, as he has the most – and best – personality of any horse I’ve ever met. He’s a lovable doof and is tolerant of so much in so many ways.
But not of my particular nerves. So, he will soon have a for sale listing. I know he can go on to do great things for a new person better suited to him. I’m still processing all of this, and crying as I type this, but I know it’s for the best. I hope I can find him a new person who will love him just as much as I do and always will. Thank you for five years, my Dude.