Honest New Year’s Resolutions for the Average Horse Person


Yeah, yeah, it’s precisely two weeks late for a New Year’s resolution post. But, like with most things in my life, I have to take time to stew on things, and also, well, it’s because of who I am as a person. Don’t judge. You don’t know my life.

With the new year, we all try to take stock of who we are and see how we can improve long-term. Or, improve enough to not lose our shit for the spring season, or to make that pretty jacket from last year fit or to just, for the love of god, not get yelled at for ONE stinking lesson. Or whatever.

Forget the “I will ride without stirrups at least once a week, I will go to X number of shows,  I will learn to braid or I will progress to Second Level Dressage this year” types of resolutions. I’m talking about committing to the things we honestly NEED to improve upon.

So here are a few things that we as average horse people can think about committing to  – or not – for this year.

  1. I will actually take my boots off, clean them and store them in a manner that doesn’t look like modern art gone awry in my closet.
  2. I will not allow my horse’s mane to end up in a state that would allow him to try out for an all-equine production of “Tangled.”
  3. I will have at least ONE lesson where I am the least-yelled-at person in the group….. throughout the entire lesson.
  4. I will tack my horse and dress myself correctly every ride without the need for someone to say “Um, you might want to fix….”
  5. I will not succumb to the Sarah McLachlan soundtrack in my head every time I see a rescue – of any kind – listed online. Because you already have 86 cats, 57 dogs, 10 various small animals, one semi-rideable horse and 15 feral ones of varying degrees of lameness.
  6. I will not smoosh my horse’s face an embarrassing number of times either in public or private.
  7. I will wash my saddle pads before they develop into self-sufficient biomes.
  8. My tack trunk and/or locker will not resemble Armageddon.
  9. I resolve that my jacket is not a substitute napkin and/or towel.
  10. I will not buy another bridle. I will not buy another bridle. I will not buy another bridle. For real.
  11. I will not become a deer in the headlights in the warm-up ring.
  12. I will consider washing my hands before eating after mucking and/or grooming.
  13. I will pee in appropriate places.
  14. Actually, let’s just say I will not be generally gross overall and cover all the bases, hmm?
  15. I will not freak out and imagine my horse’s eventual untimely death every time he develops a tiny scratch.
  16. I will try to drink more water than beer at horse shows. I SAID TRY.
  17. I will not allow my car to become the Car of Requirement with the amount of horse crap I store in there for no real reason.
  18. I will remember all necessary items I need for horse shows for both myself and my horse, eliminating the need to buy last-minute stuff at the onsite tack trailer…. which I have, like, 15 duplicates of at home for the same reason.
  19. I will not constantly look at horse listings “just in case.”
  20. I, as an adult, will try to not need adult supervision at horse shows, because reasons.
  21. I will not squee “OMG PONYYYYYY!” every time I see a pony.

OK, so you probably won’t do any of these…. but isn’t it pretty to think so?